My husband, Bob, was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease nearly two years ago.
Photo courtesy of Janet Deans
Since then, we’ve found ourselves living in a new state, and I’ve found myself adjusting to the role of caregiver.
We retired early to spend more time with our grandchildren and to travel, especially to the opera houses around the world (my husband’s passion). We managed to get to Coventry Gardens and the LaScala. But then the unexpected happened.
For about two years prior to Bob’s official diagnosis, I had been noticing small things that I chalked up to old age. He misplaced his keys. Working in the garden, he’d dig up flowers instead of weeds. We’d be out somewhere and he’d get disoriented.
Come April, Bob and I will have been married for 50 years. I’m 75, and he’s 84. Up until this point, he was always a smart man. He is well educated and has a doctorate in economics. He had a mind like a sponge and was always a resource for historical facts or proper spelling. As time went on, he lost that part of himself.
Even before the diagnosis, I started reading up on mental disorders and caregiving. Many articles I read warned that caregivers shouldn’t go it alone, but I have always been independent and strong-willed.
I figured I could deal with it.
I didn’t want to leave Bob home alone, so I stopped going to tennis. I didn’t have time to read anymore. Bob became agitated when attending symphony or operas, so we stopped going. We stopped taking short and long trips.
In January 2014, thinking I was having a heart attack, I called my son-in-law Peter, who lives in New Albany, and asked him what to do. I explained the situation with Bob. He and our daughter, Katherine, came to our house in Virginia immediately. We collected our possessions and moved in with Peter and Katherine. Our son Robert, who lived in New York, accepted the responsibility of selling our home. We also made an appointment with a neurologist at The Ohio State University.
I have learned that Alzheimer’s is a disease that makes a person age in reverse.
Now, in the second stage, we have to remind Bob how to do things that we take for granted. His ability to recognize places and things has deteriorated. The medications prescribed have slowed down the reverse aging process, but they cannot stop it. He has lost his ability to smell, even the scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. He is also losing some of his depth perception needed to go down steps or off curbs. But due to the medication, he is able to once again enjoy music and art. The Columbus Museum of Art has a wonderful program designed for people who have Alzheimer’s disease. It even offers jazz sessions on Sunday afternoons. We have also been able to attend the Columbus Symphony Orchestra and Columbus Opera performances.
We began to take short walks that first winter in New Albany and, as the weather warmed, those walks became longer. The physical layout and landscape of New Albany begs one to get outside and walk. When I think about that future date when Bob will be in a wheelchair, I’m thankful that we’re now living in a city that’s laid out in such a way that will make it easy for me to push him around from place to place.
This is a community designed to make it easy to flex one’s mind or muscles.
After moving in with Peter and Katherine, Bob and I had a house built just for us near downtown New Albany. The city has been a real blessing for us in the two years we’ve been here. It is perfect for walks and being outside, and the activity helps Bob. He also has found a wonderful personal trainer at the New Albany Country Club.
Now that a caretaker watches Bob several times per week, I’ve had a chance to forge a social network here. I joined the New Albany Country Club and made some great friends. I walk to the library. I did physical therapy at the Philip Heit Center for Healthy New Albany. I walked for the Circle of Friends fundraiser for Nationwide Children’s Hospital.
I’ve found a great community at the Resurrection Church here, and the friends I’ve made there have been a great source of strength for me.
I realize now that I should have contacted a doctor when I first began noticing Bob’s symptoms. I’ve also realized that I can’t handle caregiving alone. My daughter and son-in-law rescued Bob and I, when I called that day two years ago. I relied on my daughter for a long time to regain my emotional strength.
It’s important for people dealing with Alzheimer’s disease to have outside help.
If you notice someone withdrawing from their normal activities; or if you know a friend, neighbor or relative with a spouse who suffers from the disease; or if you know someone who has been diagnosed, don’t hesitate to help. Even just an hour of support a week would give the caregiver time to clear his or her mind and start anew. Caregivers need you.
As a caregiver, I have accepted my role and adjusted my life accordingly. I’ve found it’s easier on me to not look too far into the future when I’m researching symptoms. I learn enough to be prepared for the immediate future, so I’m not overwhelmed.
Janet Deans is a New Albany resident. Feedback welcome at ssole@cityscenemediagroup.com.
